So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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