I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize