Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
