went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize