first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize