And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
