The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
