every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
