yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
