let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
