Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
