Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
