when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize