Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
