Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize