She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
