I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
