Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
