Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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