You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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