All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
