mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have so many feelings about this burrito
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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