My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
