oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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