Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
