Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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