Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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