is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
