Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
