Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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