it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
