Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
