You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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