So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
