You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
