I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
