It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
