If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
