We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
