he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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