Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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