Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
