My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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