I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
