Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nutella sex= disaster
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
