I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
