Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
