Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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