Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we're so committed to being not committed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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