My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
