thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
