Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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