my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
