More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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