The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
