if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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