Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
