Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
