recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
