so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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