Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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