my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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