The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
