Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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