Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
