lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
