Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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