I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
