that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
