Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
