Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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