My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
