It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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