I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize