Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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