if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize